


Seasons of Life

by jxaav



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Depression, Mentions of Suicide, Other, kinda just me venting, kinda like an oc but not, my first work on ao3 so go easy on me, probably the only time i will write like this, this is directed towards no fandom or character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 20:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19117504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxaav/pseuds/jxaav
Summary: Sometimes, life is hard. Sometimes, it starts to look like its going to get better. Sometimes, it does. Sometimes, it falls apart. And the cycle continues.





	Seasons of Life

At first glance, she was just an ordinary high schooler. She had friends, made good grades, played sports, and participated in clubs. In her free time, she watches TV, listens to music, reads occasionally, goes out for runs, and the list goes on. The societal standards for what a normal teenage girl should look like. But, this is all just at first glance. Sometimes, to really know a person, you must look harder.

And what you see when you decide to look harder, is something unexpected.

You first see it in the Winter, which is far from surprising, seeing as this is her worst time of the year. This girl lives her life by her emotions which change upon the changing of the seasons, unlike her peers who live theirs by the Summer and the start of school. And Winter is her worst emotion.

Winter means the days are shorter and darker, which never truly bothered her, in fact, she liked it better that way. But Winter also meant the middle of the school year, the hardest part of the year. Not a single break, not a breath of fresh air. She feels like she’s slowly being suffocated, not having enough time for work given at school, let alone the time she needs for herself. She loses sleep, and with that sleep goes hope. And that’s just a small portion of it. Every Winter, she somehow has an impending doom hovering over her. She starts to feel smaller, becomes less confident. And that’s a stretch, because she was never confident to begin with. (You didn’t see it? Well, having to deal with all of these feelings on a day to day basis has molded her into quite the actress). She starts to hate herself, the things and people around her. With their judgement and opinions, she spirals. She hates her body, she hates the way she talks, hates the way she walks. She can’t ever tell what decisions she should and shouldn’t make. Getting up in the morning felt like running an Olympic marathon that she was being forced to do. She wanted to stay at home, and dream all Winter. These things, along with many other small aspects, start to build up. And now, there’s nothing left but the lingering thought of death looming above her head. Should she? She’d thought about it quite a lot. More than the average person does. 

She wants to, but something is holding her back. She wants a life filled with happiness. She wants to know what that life could feel like, and if it’s possible that her future looks like that. And she knows that the only way to know that is to stay and find out. But staying means work and terrible people and this wretched place, and she doesn’t know how much longer she can take it. There’s so much she wants to see and experience though. She’s always wanted to travel the world, she wants to fall in love, she wants to be successful, she wants to live, but she also wants to thrive while doing it. She is so uncertain of her own abilities, that she doesn’t know if she can have both. There is not one thing she hates more than not being able to know something for sure. Except for maybe herself, but I digress. Spring is on the horizon, and Spring means new beginnings.

Spring is one of the best seasons, it’s not too hot, not too cold. School is about to end, and she gets to see her friends every day. Little worries for now and big hopes for the Summer, she cannot wait. Spring is also a season of love, new crushes bloom into their buds of pink and purple, while Summer is awaiting them. It’s quite unfortunate how short the Spring is, for this is the time when she is happiest. She isn’t stressed about the work given to her by teachers. She’s never lonely, always talking to this friend or the other. Lots of school activities are starting up again, and will lead on into Summer. 

Summer always felt longer than it was. And by the end of it, she was always asking herself where the time had gone. Typically, at the beginning of the season, her family would go on some sort of vacation. And of course that was always fun, she looked forward to it. It’s what came after that always made the Summer more gloomy than it should be. She had so much time. Too much time. She never knew what to do with it. She had friends, but she always felt weird asking to hang out. And if she did hang out with friends, she would start to feel burnt out again. Like she needed to be alone again. It felt like a relief when she was finally home again. But sooner or later, she would start to feel lonely again. Loneliness was this girls biggest enemy. It pained her the most, but she couldn’t call up another friend, because she knew it would end the same. She tried to distract herself with reading or TV, but she couldn’t stay focused. She was uneasy, uncomfortable. Agonizingly bored. So she sat in bed, thinking. If loneliness was her worst enemy, her wandering mind was her second worst. She would start to think about the future, and we already know where that leads her. She has too much time to think; about her life, the meaning of it, life and death, how little time she has left before the Summer ends and how she’s wasting it with her own disgusting self pity. And while she’s thinking, she falls asleep, and wakes up to hues of oranges and browns.

Autumn was always filled with nostalgia and pumpkin spice. Two things that felt closest to home for the girl. She felt like this was where she belonged. Not a place, but a season. She was confident, school wasn’t harsh, she got to see her friends, but still got the time needed for herself. She was comfortable. Maybe she wasn’t sure what her future looked like, but it wasn’t nagging at the forefront of her mind. She could relax and enjoy the little things in life. No harsh intrusive thoughts of death, no constant anxiety, just home. She felt at peace. But all good things must come to an end.

Ever heard the phrase “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”? Well, one must take that to heart, or you might find yourself making false assumptions. Everyone has fears and problems. Everyone is different. Because sometimes life hits you like a freight train, leaving you broken. Leaving only you to pick up the pieces. This cycle goes on for the girl. And you’ll forget she ever existed. But from now on, you might want to take a closer look at the people you pass in the streets.

**Author's Note:**

> ummm i hope you enjoyed! again, this is my first work on here (and basically my first work ever), so i hope i didn't do too terribly! i'm also just venting, and will likely write fandom stuff in the future.


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